Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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