You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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