census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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