please come you make the beer taste better
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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