I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
