Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
