Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
