I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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