I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
