Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
