dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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