some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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