we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
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she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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