Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize