I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
