We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
