is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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