Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
