she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
