There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
