i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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