you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
