When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me they were just razor bumps!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
