Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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