she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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