So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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