Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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