You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
