ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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