SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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