I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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