Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
