And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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