Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
