Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
