Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
