woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
