my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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