i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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