Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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