Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
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Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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