I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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