My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
