she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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