you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
