So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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