there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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