he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
