I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
