Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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