Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
