im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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