I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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