My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
