you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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