Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
