Christians are straight up FREAKS
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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