So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
