why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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